Is This You, Steven?

This is what authenticity and being shamelessly self-expressive sounds like. An incredible blog from my friend Sheila Gallien, Hollywood script-writer.


So I went on Tinder the other night, mostly to distract myself from a situation I am in that is a little complicated. I have gone on it before, for five minutes, or ten.


Tinder is like looking a deck of cards in a magician’s hand. You see one picture, only one, its image hiding all possibilities behind it. Shallow. Pure. You look at the man, feel him, and cannot move on until you make a decision: you swipe yes, or you swipe no. If you both do not swipe, you never hear from him. No thoughtful emails you think you should respond to because he was so nice to write such a long missive. No second guessing. And if you both swiped yes, you get the rush, “its a match!” A flash of connection, attraction, possibility. The world unfolds.

So I went on, and I wrote just a tiny…

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Is Anger Allowed?

I went to a forgiveness workshop at the Greater Cincinnati Center for Spiritual Living last Sunday.Sky

Forgiveness. That’s a thorny one for most of us. We love to hold onto our stories, and our hurt, mostly – I believe – because we think we will stay safer from any repeat performances.

I have heard the forgiveness stories, and they are powerful. They attract me. I like what they say they deliver: freedom from attachment to the hurt, freedom to grow and live freer. That sounds really good to me.

When my partner died in 2013, it was a mess. His family hated me – always had, and now was their opportunity to let it all out – and during the last month of his life, he sided with his daughters’ mean-spirited and incorrect assessments of me. They negated my 13-year relationship with this man, and he – out of his fear more of their anger than alignment with my love – allowed that to happen. That was intensely painful.

Needless to say, when he passed, there were post-death blame-fests to endure. Or were there?

They were his daughters (in their 60’s), and they too were in pain about his ill health and his oncoming transition. I found myself once again under attack, accused of financially manipulating my partner. Would that I had been that type! Would that he had had enough money for me to even have that thought in my head! Woe is me – he was not much more financially well-endowed than I!

In any case, I was finally at the end of my understanding rope. Pushed to the verge, in grief about my loss, I screamed at one of these women that if she couldn’t be respectful of me, she could FUCK OFF. And I yelled it. Loudly. So loudly, I sometimes wonder if she could even hear it – it was probably so distorted through the cell phone’s lousy sound system. Still, I know she got the message.

I worried about that anger. I called spiritual friends. And to a person – to a woman – they all said it was about time I had said something. Forbearance had gone too far.

There is something that a lot of us women do – and when we are spiritual women we do it to a degree of unnecessary madness – and that is to try to be so understanding, so nice, that we don’t permit ourselves our anger, our right to speak up, our right to say NO! By doing so, we are not permitting ourselves our humanness! Our very right to be human!

Isn’t that amazing?

A friend of mine told me just last night that she had rather recently in her life learned that she has the right to say “ouch” when something hurts, emotionally. When she is mistreated, disrespected, blamed, shamed.

So, in our collective psyche, somewhere, anger is not allowed.

Which is why, as fierce girls, we have to reclaim it. We have to be allowed to say “ouch”.

As for me, after my partner died, and after I got rid of his abusive family, I spent no fewer than 6 months yelling at him, and at them, using words you don’t – as they say – use in church. I knew that I needed to say my truths! I knew I would never ever be able to tell these people what I really thought, and I would never ever convince them that they had been cruel.

But there was one person who could hear it, and that was me.

None of my words, none of my emotion, was thrown into a void. I felt and heard my partner’s responses of apology from the other side. And I told him exactly what I thought of him.

Is this forgiveness?

It is. In an odd way, it is. It is at least the precursor. If I can’t allow myself to be human, to say “ouch”, to say “No you may NOT abuse me!”, then I can’t be complete and whole. I can’t have forgiven myself for denying myself the opportunity to be a 360-degree woman, a 360-degree human being.

Now that I have had my say, now that I have gotten some distance from the heat of the experience, now that I understand that forgiveness is not about saying “hey, it’s okay you hurt me”, but is instead about allowing myself not to cling to that energy, now I can work on forgiveness.

The minister, Rev. Linda, at CSLGC, gave us this forgiveness prayer to say, 21 times, for 21 days, and whenever we really need to just feel even a little bit better:

_________, I love you, I bless you, I forgive you, and I release you to your highest good.

When you use it, don’t forget that you can even use it on yourself.

And by the way, where violence is not preferred nor recommended nor applauded, anger is most certainly allowed.


You can contact Lori at for talks, coaching and workshops.
(Lori Kirstein, Founder)

Out of the Fairy Tale

“I wanted love so badly.”
“I thought he was the one.”
|“I don’t know why I stayed with him so long.”
“I don’t understand how he could have hurt me so, when I loved him so much!”
“I didn’t know how to live without him.”

I spent many heart-wrenching decades aching and yearning very romantically for The Love of My Life. And I spent those decades also feeling absolutely self-hating, because clearly I was undesirable in some deep and uncontrollable way! How many nights I cried, feeling simultaneously sorry for and disgusted by my own self. That is not so romantic.

I know that this kind of suffering continues for women of all ages. I know I was not alone. Not being alone, however, didn’t stop the ache.

It was other things that did that. It was taking that reluctant step into my own care and love for myself, in active ways. It was being disappointed over and over again by the quality of my relationships, and realizing that perhaps I needed to reconsider where I stood in what I was attracting – and accepting – into my life!

I remember having the wild expectation, for all of my 20’s, 30’s and most of my 40’s, that every time I met a man with whom I shared an attraction, that this was it! He was finally here! I was finally being given the relationship I had always known and felt I would someday have! And I was always ready for this relationship because I had imagined what I would be like in it, and what he would be like in response to my love! I was ready to bring my A-game to the party – all of my honesty and openness and love and passion and sexuality and sensuality and everything that I am! – and I expected that he would of course be looking for the same!

What propelled this mad game was that I rarely met men with whom I shared an a the time of waiting made me even more eager and, honestly, desperate, for this one to be The One.

You can guess how many times this expectation really worked out as expected.

It didn’t.

But it doesn’t take being that desperate, to get tangled up! Even if we don’t go so far as to assume that each one is The One, still we stumble over ourselves when we are attracted; we all fall into the attraction haze. The attraction haze is not the problem, though. The problem is that we don’t believe that we can be both smitten, and practical. We throw “practical” overboard in favor of this high, marvelous feeling, and we allow ourselves to marinate in all of our hopes and dreams and expectations, all of them pouring out like a tsunami of water over the arid land of our starving hearts. We go for “rescue”, on an emotional level, and we go all-in before we know what kind of hand this other person might have!

We jettison all of our caution. We don’t allow ourselves the time and the space to judge, measure, decide, choose – after all, that would be so unloving, wouldn’t it, because we are supposed to instantly demonstrate our fitness to be a loving wife-to-be in the ways that a woman of the 1950’s would recognize: to give this guy the benefit of the doubt – to give him a second/third/fourth chance – to be understanding – to be “fair” because isn’t at least half of this our “fault”? Physically, psychologically, emotionally, we open ourselves to this person, often before we have been asked to, and before we have even made a conscious and grounded choice about the worthiness and true desirability of this person.

What makes us do that? What makes us do that over, and over, and over, and over again? What makes us willingly step onto that rug, doing nothing different this time, and still hoping that this time “it” will be different. Never finding the awareness that it is we who must change, in order for that to change?

We have been cemented, psychologically, into a belief and an expectation of One Door Only; one location only for all of the love and care and acceptance and comfort that we have not been giving to ourselves at all in other ways. It is one person, and it is not us. It is that magical other.

We are black-and-white thinkers and feelers when it comes to love. We want only the “shape” of love that we want: a lover, a husband, a wife, a partner. And until we get that, we are inconsolable, kicking our heels and screaming, striking out in blame against ourselves, instead of taking on a more balanced, more Mature Emotional Approach to our lives.

The Mature Emotional Approach is: being our own best parent, partner, friend and lover. From that perspective the landscape changes. We take more mature actions! We take responsibility for our life, for our choices. We stop giving away our power to random people that we don’t yet even know.

It’s so hard to do this, because we have a fixed picture in our mind and in our feeling bodies that we identify with. And we know we can have it. The mistake we make is in thinking that we know how it should come. So we cling to the dream, instead of walking a more mature emotional approach to our own lives, an approach of self-respect, an approach that is one of us as the deserving queen to the someday-to-be-found deserving king. An equality of meeting. We don’t trust that life will bring to us what we want if we put ourselves first. When in fact we must put ourselves first, in order to get what we truly want, and what we truly deserve.

GoddessesA More Mature Emotional Approach

You Ask the Right Questions

You take the time and the care to ask, or otherwise find the answers to, the right questions! The questions that put you in a position of respect for yourself!\

  • Do you deserve me and my gifts?
  • Are you safe?
  • Are you emotionally mature?
  • Do you really understand me?
  • Are you honest?
  • Are you authentic?
  • Are you responsible and response-able?
  • Are you a compassionate person?

You Keep Your Eyes Open

You keep your eyes open and take things at face value at this early stage. In other words if s/he is rude and obnoxious to the waitress at the restaurant, this is a rude and obnoxious person you’re with; stay at your own risk, and don’t walk in victimhood if you do. You chose this. Feel badly about that choice, but take the mature path of knowing what you know: that people are who they are, and what you see is what you see – no more and no less – and that instead of filling your own head with lies about being “too quick to judge”, you are in fact “able to see what is”. You are wise.

You Protect Your Little Girl and You Live As Your Adult Woman

We have a myopic focus on a horrendous belief: that finding love, marriage is all about our worthiness or attractiveness. It isn’t at all! It is based on mysterious combinations of things that include elements like grace and attraction and karma and mutual recognition and God-knows-what-else!

Love is not based on merit! Worthiness has nothing to do with it!

I was thinking: In which part of our life do we begin to look for approval based on being “good”?

And I realized, it is when we are very, very small.

It is all that little girls and boys know. Be “good” and get that toy. Be “good” and get a hug. Be “good” and avoid that slap.

“Be good” doesn’t work. It works minimally, if at all, when we’re small, and then less and less so as we grow up. Have you tried to be “good” at work, and been passed over, ignored, fired anyway? Yes you have. Life and work are not about following immovable rules. Rules change because people change and then they change the rules. So, following rules must naturally include our own judgments about whether to follow them, which to follow, and how far to follow them.

Being “good” is something that we do for approval, and a Mature Adult Woman does not look for approval but for recognition of and deep respect for who she truly is. The Mature Adult Woman is who needs to be in charge of this party, she can make sure that that ongoing need for approval that we all have – because it was planted when we were children – is tempered by the wisdom to know how to instead choose respect and recognition. The Mature Woman knows how to not ignore nor deny that approval need, but how to temper its pull with the choice to make decisions with her wisdom, judgment, discrimination.

You Honor You

All of those things that you wish s/he would have recognized…do you? Do you recognize them? Do you really honor them? If you are giving them away, you are allowing the little girl to run for the kind of love she understands – the approval love – and you are not honoring the love that you want; the love that is rooted deeply in the clear seeing that the other has of your experienced gifts, truths, and beauty.

What do you wish s/he recognized? What do you wish s/he had not ignored?

You may be able to speak a litany of answers to those questions. But are you loving and nurturing within yourself those very things?

If you don’t know how to do that, it is not because you’re “stupid”, or whatever other judgment you lay against yourself, but it is because you have never done so. Find the people, the situations, the classes, the meditations, the walks, the therapy – whatever it takes to have the experience of honoring yourself, so that you can feel the difference between standing in your little girl feet, versus the feet of your Mature Woman.

There is a place for the little girl – in fact there are many – but when it comes to choosing a mate, that is not the place. The King seeks the Queen, and the Queen the King. And you are the Queen.


“What we must each strive to know is that we are not beggars.”

What we must strive to know is that the more we give honor and respect and love to ourselves, the more we will recognize – and eschew – its opposite when it is offered to us.

What we must strive to experience – in every way we can – is the love,acceptance, support, compassion we think we most want from a man…

from each other, and from ourselves.

You are not a beggar. You are a Goddess. You are a Gift. You are the DNA of Spirit itself. You have been disrespected and hurt and taught to think that you are less-than. But it’s a lie. Find the pathways that work for you to experience mercy and respect for yourself. And then watch it spread to how you approach your love life.

You deserve no less.


Breaking Out/Staying Out of the Broken System

In the 1970’s I learned a popular phrase: It’s a man’s world.

Having found feminism early – 7th or 8th grade – I took my unseasoned 16-year-old’s perspective to translate this phrase: “It’s an UNFAIR world to women.”

Four elements of this perspicacious and true observation escaped me:

  • To question in which ways this was so
  • To question how this continued to be so
  • To question whether one could escape this or alter this in any way
  • To question whether such a world could ultimately be fair to anyone – even to the men.

At the age of approximately 18, I read a book – the title of which is long gone from my memory – which has stayed with me to this day. Our heroine is with a man who I believe is her husband, and she is having troubles with the relationship, and with being in the relationship. As I recall, she explores – with great bitterness – the ways in which even someone who expresses her rage, as this woman does, she is left still feeling disempowered and victimized. A woman who, even as she throws a glass, with glorious and teenage-inspiring rebellion, against a wall in order to feel some release of her rage, still ends up resenting the fact that she is the one who has to clean it up. “So what is the point?” she asks. “Why bother to object?”

Her servitude and sense of entrapment is complete.

I was struck first by her rage, and I was struck by it favorably! How courageous this woman is, I felt, to not simply smile, and “take it” – those chauvinistic, belittling behaviors and attitudes of her man. You see, I was raised to be a “Good Girl”, and I learned and practiced those “Good Girl” lessons assiduously.

I was also struck, but this time unfavorably, by her impotent bitterness. Though I couldn’t at that time conceptualize why I felt it, her attitude of “what’s the point?” was a let-down to me. It seemed like a child stamping her foot, resisting but knowing that she could not. Something about that bothered me. A lot.


www.GoodbyeGoodGirl.comFast forward. I’m in my 40’s. I’m deeply invested, emotionally and psychologically, in the spiritual. I am connected for many years already to the Hindu leanings by way of my connection with Ammachi, a.k.a. “The Hugging Saint”, who I met when I was 31 years old, and she 35.

I find myself surrounded by lots of others who are just as fascinated, opened, lifted, bewildered and unconscious as I am. But few of them admit it. I do, and I am instantly punished for it. Nonetheless, we turn to one another and to spiritual books and other visiting gurus for ways to understand what we have found ourselves involved in. It is far from the usual American fare, and we need quantifiable ways in which to judge our progress!

I heard beliefs. Lots of them. “Everything happens for a reason.” “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” “Just trust your heart and everything will be okay.”

And I heard lots of spiritualisms: “My abusive parents were just doing their best.” “We are all brothers and sisters.”

And I heard lots of judgments. “Oh, he’s so unconscious!” And one judgment against me because of all of my questioning: “You think too much! You’re too in-your-head. You should just be in your heart!

The answers to any and all spiritual questions were boiled down to “Let go, let God”, regardless of one’s ability to understand or practice such answers. Respect for personal pathways within the one proscribed pathway, was nil. This pathway that we were all on was the only pathway, and it was a one-size-fits-all set of answers that all came from Ammachi! It was up to us to “translate” those answers by culling phrases and beliefs from previous seekers. God forbid we come up with our own!

This was horrifically confusing, because to me, Amma is the divine, embodied. The Divine Mother Herself. But I have to follow the path of Lori, as everyone has to follow the path of themselves. How could I not “obey” her teachings? But how could I be me with her teachings?

The truth was, I wanted not to “obey”, but to know; not to trust only, but to experience. I just couldn’t entirely follow the dogma. I could hear the truths in so many of the words and beliefs and phrases that I heard, but what I wanted was Truth that applies all the time, and not just to me, but to everyone.

Tall order, but that’s what I wanted.

I couldn’t just follow the dogma. I couldn’t just “do it” – just trust God, and be good to go!

Clearly, many others had a similar problem because lots of workshops were springing up to teach us “how”. They started by focusing our awareness on what we thought was “wrong” with us. Like the good students we are, we dutifully followed the steps to fixing ourselves, trusting that once we were fixed, life would right itself like a ship finally rid of an overabundance of booty against one or other of its railings.

We became so enamored of the process of fixing that we stuck with the process of endlessly fixing. We bought in to the idea that the pathway to bliss was to take a bucket to the water in our boats, without which drying efforts our beautiful boats had no worth.

The idea that focusing on our strengths – our personal, who-we-are strengths – would get us further, faster, and with so much more joy, was an idea that rarely crossed our minds. Oh, as we got into the 2000’s, we heard the phrase, “What you resist, persists.” But we never thought about that in relation to our endless attempts to push out our “bad stuff”.

We heard the phrase, “What you focus on, increases,” but the idea of focusing on our strengths so that they would increase…well, that just didn’t occur to us!


We are in a new time in our earth’s history. That sentence is hard to really “grok”, as they said in the 1960’s (yes, I see you, Stranger In A Strange Land fans!). Still, it’s the truth.

We are still good students, so we are looking for the new rules to get us through this new time, when it is rules themselves that are the problem. Rules – I should say – as we have known them in the past. New rules that we must create are very much more malleable, personalizable and empowering creatures, and we get to adapt them to our individual personalities, needs and outlooks!

Most of us went to school as children. In school we learned one thing: how to follow the rules in order to pass. To pass our tests, to pass out of our schools and into the next one, and to pass out of school entirely and follow new sets of rules to get and keep a job.

We women learned to obey, to ask for permission, and to ask for forgiveness. Women, especially, learn to ask for forgiveness even before we have done anything to ask forgiveness for!

We women learned that there is a game to be played, and that we – women – do not have a hand in how that game was set up.

So we learned how to get by, and work with and around the game.

Then Women’s Liberation came along and said, “Hey, we have a new game!” But did we? It was the start of one, but we still had – and have – a lot to learn. Only now we don’t have a lot of time. Our structures are failing, as they were always destined to, because you can’t have a structure that adheres to one concrete and unchanging set of rules only, when people are a growing organism that is ever changing.

Our schools are not preparing our children (did they prepare us?). Our businesses are harming the environment, and the people working within the business itself. Our financial structures are a mess, and the middle class is all but gone. The environment, our beloved planet, is struggling to breathe, to drink, to be.

So, it is time for a new game. And it is women who are to lead the charge.


Because we are outside the system. And being outside the system means that we have the ability to see what is not already here. A magnificently insightful psychotherapist and writer, Anne Wilson Schaef wrote a book in 1981 called Women’s Reality: An Emerging Female System in a White Male Society. She points out that the male rules in which we live – the male system – is one that is based on facts and figures, when in truth our lives are lived much more amorphously. The truth is that life changes as we do, and together we can make potent changes happen that none of us individually could have ever foreseen.

We women are most outside the system when we stop playing by the rules, and allow ourselves to recognize that yes, we are outside the system, and that that is a major strength. It is a divine invitation to be utterly authentic, to honor and express and share our emotions, intuition, ideas, raggedy edges and our deepest truths without apology or seeking of permission.

We are outside the system.

Let’s be there. Let’s inhabit that place that the masculine system has relegated us to. Let’s take the phrase, “You’re too emotional,” and say, “Yes! Thank you! I am emotional! It is one of my strengths!” Let’s acknowledge our desire for peace so that none of our children die in more useless wars. Let’s acknowledge our frustration and our impotent bitterness, and come together to share ways and support to not be the victimized woman in the book that I read some 40 years ago!

We are outside the system. Which means we understand the system’s rules very well indeed, because the oppressed – whether that oppressed is female, racial, religious or a specific nationality – must know the system’s rules well in order to survive.

Time to thrive. Which means we break faith with the system.

That is what it truly means to say Goodbye to the Good Girl. That is its depth.

Are you ready? Are you done with the old rules that never really worked for you? Never really freed you? Never really allowed you to be you?

Are you ready to see what strengths you already have? Are you ready to learn how to exercise them? Are you ready to walk into a life full of the authentic you?

You’re already outside the broken system. Say yes to yourself.


For information about classes, workshops and individual coaching with Lori, write to

“I don’t know why I’m attracted to you.”

I’ve heard this twice in my life.

Once from a gay man who wasn’t yet sure he was gay. I was sure. He was still fighting what was obvious to everyone.

And once from a guy who looked like Groucho Marx, walked like a duck, and tried to convince me – unsuccessfully – that he was accustomed to dating supermodels.

“I don’t know why I’m attracted to you!”

Poor baby.

It was said with bewilderment and a tone of failure, as though they had failed some dream-girl trophy-girlfriend standard.

At the time I was terribly hurt. Both times. What I heard, behind the words, was, “God you’re ugly! Why am I attracted to you??? What’s wrong with me???”

I could never see this from any other perspective. Until tonight.

I read Maya Angelou’s poem, Phenomenal Woman. And when I read these two verses out of the poem, I saw things very differently, suddenly.

Phenomenal Woman (not the complete poem)

I walk into a room,
Just as cool as you please.
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman.
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman.
That’s me.

So, on my unrelenting path to celebrating the magnificence that is me – eschewing a lifetime of different degrees and times of internal and external apologizing, shame and self-loathing for not meeting some standard of perfect beauty – I have to thank these men for unwittingly seeing and responding to that magnificence, particularly when it was outside of their finely drawn lines of feminine desirability.

Little did they know. They spoke ridiculous words that hurt – “I don’t know why I’m attracted to you!” – and they fell in thrall to Who I Am.

I win.

woman sun


For Self-Expressive Empowerment Coaching, contact Lori at

I was a spiritually good girl…and it sucked.

Maybe this thing I’m going to say – maybe this is why people equate being spiritual with being in financial poverty (though as one of my new Reverends reminded the congregation this morning, “poverty” at its core doesn’t have to do with money first, or at all):

As a Good Spiritual Girl, I set out to prove that indeed God was interested in making me rich – it being God’s good pleasure to give me the kingdom, which indeed I do still believe, although in a far different way.

I took workshops. I spent money. I took out a ridiculously large loan. I tried to follow the instincts and intuition I tried to understand as my own but wasn’t entirely certain about.

And I lost my nest egg. Gone. Buh-bye. I ran up debt. Oh crap. And then I felt horrid.

Maybe it’s a need to make sense of this fall into the crapulous that makes us equate spirituality with poverty. Maybe in following the surface of the spiritual rules without going deep enough, we find that we are not where we thought we were supposed to be, and we then wake up to a new way of seeing. Or as a first step at least, we wake up to knowing we need a new way of seeing. And we see that we are now awake, and it is time to get out of bed and go to play.

Knowing I need and am now practicing a new way of seeing me and my life, is certainly and humblingly true of me.

I am stunned to have “awakened” and realize that I have been playing the game from the wrong “place”, hard as I tried, much as I persevered, much as I gave to the effort.

I lived in California for 13 years. I thought that that place would make a difference. I took – as I mentioned – copious workshops that were all about using my God-given talents to make my mark in this world. It was the “God-given” part that really pulled me, and the money part (let’s be honest) that also really pulled me, but the me part got left mysteriously and invisibly behind!

I ended up – results-wise – having done nothing different from simply, and “unspiritually”, trying to get rich. Secure. Now that’s humbling. Frightening. Daunting. Maddening. Too many words to list.

So what the hell? What’s the deal here?

Simply put, I wasn’t standing in me. I just wasn’t. I was standing in fear. Not in ease and love, vibrationally. I wasn’t feeling what I needed and wanted to feel, as the connection of my self to that which IS – the love, the giggle of God, the childlike nature. Do you get me? I wasn’t in the not-shoulding-on-myself place! I was shoulding all OVER myself! Instead of letting me be, letting life be, letting me just flow out, almost blob-like into my world, filling its starving crevices with my own laughter and my own creativity and my own unknowing efforts borne of joy and wildly abandoned expectation.

Doesn’t that sound like so much more fun than being a good girl? Good Girls “try to surrender”. Talk about an oxymoron! We try to make surrender happen. You will never. ever. do it. Not ever. You can’t not “make” surrender “happen”. It just doesn’t work that way.

And what I can tell you from long experience is that if, after reading that last sentence, you hear your mind saying, “So how do I, then? HOW do I surrender“, you would do well to turn to something you can feel/remember that feels like a giggle, a sigh, a relaxed FEELING of let-go, relaxation, leave-it-all-be.

Frustratingly for our minds, but fortunately for our journey, that’s all we got. And it’s all good.

On the path…

Love and Moxie,


I Am Woman: The Powerful Birther of Change

All of my musings begin with a question. And always a deep one. It’s just my way.

Today’s deep question is: What does it mean to be a woman and a force for tremendous good and power right now? You see, I believe in the paradigm shift that is happening. And I believe that I have an enormous role to play.

And I mean enormous.

This does not mean that I know precisely how that is going to look. But I have felt, for years – no, for decades – that I have a purpose, and a big one. This is not borne of ego, I would hasten to stress, but of a sense of urgency within me that there is something that needs to be said, and that I am not only capable of saying it, but eager to, and gifted with abilities that are helpful and enjoyable in the doing of that task.

I feel ready to lead. (That was difficult to write. I mean, how bizarre to write something like that – “lead” – when I don’t even know what I’m leading. Other than my workshops…)

Maybe it is my workshops that are the key. Maybe it is some vision I have yet to catch. Maybe it is life unfolding before me that will deliver up at my feet – like a fish delivered willy-nilly from the ocean by an inexpert fisherman – The Answer.

What I do know – because I have developed and grown into these truths – is that I have a voice, a point of view, an understanding of how fucking huge fear can be and that we women can’t afford to let that stop us anymore from showing and being who we are and demanding nothing less than the life that is our birthright. I know that if you hand me a microphone, I am happy. I know that when I see a light go on in a student’s eyes, I am over the moon! That if I am the source of some kind of inspiration and awakening, I am aware that that is the divine energy doing that work and that it is my honor and my excited delight to have been the pregnant mother to that new moment! I know that I speak many, many peoples’ emotional “languages” and so my communications are not limited. I love people! (In my life, I have met and known and worked with the first wife of the man who invented the birth control pill, women who are related to famous people – whether those people are good people are not is another matter – famous opera stars, famous musicians, famous dancers, and ordinary people whose lives amaze and thrill me. How fascinating are we!!!)

So what do I do, not knowing what to do to deliver this message whose precise words even I don’t yet know? What do I do, having been pregnant with this energy for so many decades?



I stay ME. I stay focused on who and what I am: a woman, a force for tremendous good, a remarkable teacher, a speaker, a singer, an actor, a major communicator, and really, really funny.

And I go out and pursue the use of my gifts. NOW! I continue to speak, and coach, and teach.

And I enjoy my day, and wait for the fisherman – not inexpert after all – to throw me that One. Big. Fish.

I’m on the beach, the sun is warm, and my waiting is the waiting of expectancy.


Lori is the host of “TruVoice, True Message” on BlogTalkRadio, on Monday nights at 8:00PM Pacific. She teaches “Life Is An Improv – The Freedom to Be You, No Matter What!” workshops in the Bay Area, and she gives talks about women, empowerment, and fearless self-expression. Use the form below to contact her with questions or to invite her to speak to your group.